Sunday, October 24, 2010

Take a load off.

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

William James quotes

I was discussing relationships with a friend of mine; she's been divorced and now praying for a Godly man that loves her unconditionally. She will not settle and I admire that. We have talked a lot about communication, honesty, and "fighting" in a healthy way. Those are things that every relationship needs however, it seems like most "worldly" relationships miss the mark. Why is it that we settle for a love that has no Godly foundation or for a man/woman that does not give us the attention we need. My friend was in love but, that love was "taken" from her; our hearts are things that should be given. She realizes now (after years of marriage, three kids, separations and a divorce, along with other life lessons) that her heart deserves so much more than she has had and she will never let it be taken again.
Such a strong lesson for a young lady like myself.
[This is how I put relationships into an analogy for herself and mine:]
Put two rocks on each end of a scale, they are balanced and even-weighted. However, if you start to change the weight on one side and not the other, the scale will be off balanced and one side will be higher than the other letting it hold all of the weight. With our relationships, we want that scale to be balanced; when change comes, take a little weight off the other person. When a person becomes "higher" than the other and stays there, it is not healthy. God created us as equals giving us the ability to love one another so why would we ever make another one of his creations feel unlovable.
Love God. Love others. Love yourself.
Never settle.
Colossians 3:19

And you husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly

Friday, September 24, 2010


This past Sunday at church we talked about being the sermon and not just listening to it. Changing the church from lectures and listeners to teachers and learners; that would really take our relationship with God to the next level. Here is what I got from the sermon:

A project you want to do this year is to re-decorate the living room; walls, furniture, decor, etc. So you go to the store to pick out and buy everything you need for your new project. The things you buy are beautiful and exactly what you needed and you are SO excited to start this new project and change your living room. However, when you get home you set all of your new buys in the corner and leave them there. Days become weeks and you pass buy all of the beautiful colors of fabrics and paints but then go on your way again. If you just leave it all in the floor, will your living room ever be re-decorated and the challenge you gave yourself for change ever be completed?

Put this scenario into your life but the re-decorating isn't on your living room, it is on YOU and your not going to the store, you're going to church. The way the supplies got left in the corner and forgotten is exactly what we're doing with the sermons we hear; we listen and do not put them into action. If we want our life to change so badly, we cannot expect others to do the work for us; we must BE the sermon.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Stand in AWE

I spent the weekend with my best friends and I must say, my friends do so much good for my heart! At times, I will find myself yearning to be with them but, distance keeps us apart. When we get together though, it is as if we have never been separate and that to me is the best kind of friendship.
Friendship is about being real and open about everything and laughing about nothing.
I think that our relationship with Christ should pretty much be the same as with our best friends. We should yearn for him and want to talk to him for hours; being close even with distance. Why is it though that we would rather talk to a stranger than talk to our creator. Shouldn't we be in awe of him rather than the reality television shows? We idolize everything in this world and all our God wants I just some time with us.
The next time we find ourselves getting upset over a football game or in stuck in traffic, we should ask ourselves if we would be that upset if a person put down God. 
What is really important in this life?

Psalm 8: o lord how majestic is your name in all the earth

Thank you friends for reminding me how good God truly is.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Things that make me happy:

Jesus. :)!
Parents that love and support me; ALWAYS.
A momma and sister that are just as BEAUTIFUL inside as they are outside.

Grandparents that go above and beyond for everyone. They are wonderful.

The ability to love unconditionally.
A good listener and a loyal friend.

Friendships that last no matter how much distance is between you.

I  typed "happiness" into google images to see what would pop up and it was very interesting to see the results. There were some quotes, little kids, coffee cups, football, and so much more; not all of it gave me the happy feeling but, I know that somebody put the picture on there for a reason. I am so thankful that God is giving me the ability to find beauty and happiness in almost everything that I come in contact with, it is hard to find it sometimes however, I know it's there. I feel as if we waste so much time being unhappy and wishing for a better day when we have the ability to make everyday a great one.

Tomorrow may never come and I hope that our last today is the best day.

Proverbs 27:1
Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.

Friday, September 10, 2010


Proverbs 11:13

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

I have found myself to be very slow to trust people because of past hurts and conflicts. However, I am giving that one up to the big man and he is giving me the confidence in myself so that I may confide in others.
If you put and empty bucket under the faucet and let the water drip in, it will take a very long time to fill. Each little drop is so important but without a heavy flow, it will be difficult to fill the bucket to the top. However, If you knock the bucket onto its side, the water will instantly flow out and you will have to start over with one little drop at a time to fill it again.

One of the most important things in a person's life is trust. That may be trusting yourself, friends, or family but, we all need some sort of trust. Without trust, we cannot confide and share out lives with others and that is not a good life at all. However, trust is one of the easiest things to lose and the hardest to gain.

Our lives are like the water and bucket, we are pouring ourselves into relationships that require a lot of trust. If we mess up, it is like we just knocked the bucket over and all trust is lost and to rebuild the trust it will take a while just like the droplets of water filling the bucket.
Keep them full.
Trust God. Trust others. Trust yourself.

I think it is time to get real, honest, trustworthy, and trusting.
Why live life afraid to share it with others. Life is meant to live.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Three of my favorite things. 1.Jesus. 2.Wigs. 3.Theatre. so basically, this is perfect.

Tomorrow I will:
In one year I will:
In five years I will:
In ten years I will:

I make plans for myself ALL the time. Do I accomplish them all; no. Do I change my mind often; yes.

However, it seems that when I start to plan out my life and do things my own way, God is going to laugh and say "no Courtney, give it to me and I will plan it for you."
If you're reading this then you probably know me and if you know me then you definitely know that I am spontaneous and my plan is to try to not have a plan.
that plan of mine fails every time. 

Recently I decided that I was going to quit my job and move because I hated where I lived, I wanted something new and I knew that I could make it on my own.
Well.....being on my own means out of my parents and into my grandparents; it's a start though.

Trying to be optimistic, I just knew that I would have a job as soon as the Beauty and the Beast run was over and I could go straight to work.Well, that didn't happen  and I was tired of waiting on God; I was a little worried that I made a horrible mistake moving and I  ruined everything by sitting around everyday for almost three weeks.
I had applied for my dream job at a theatre to do wigs and wardrobe however, I got a phone call and the job had already been filled and did not need anyone else. That was NOT what I wanted to hear because MY plan was not working and MY plan was not on track with God's plan.
I woke up a few morning's later with a feeling of peace and I knew that something good was going to happen, it was as if I really had given it up to God. That same day I got a phone call from the Sight and Sound Theatre (dream job) and the girl they hired had quit before she even started and I had an interview that very week. I got hired a few days later and they raved about how they were so happy about God opening up the door for me because I had the skills I needed.
God thing? YES! God's Plan? YES!
Had I not trusted in him completely, I may not have this wonderful job.
We start out our days praying together and the women I work with are such a joy to be around. I can't imagine why God is favoring me at 19 years old to be so blessed.
I can get off track easily (as you can tell by my blog absence of a month or so) but, being surrounded by so many people with common interests, beliefs, and values is not something you come across often and I am taking this day by day and enjoying every second of it.

Thank you God.
Psalms 4:7.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

take a step back.

While I was in Honduras this past week, I was sweaty, smelly, wore shorts and t-shirts everyday, no makeup, and my hair was not done.  This was a very big change for me because I like to look nice on most occasions and feel good about myself. However, while being in Honduras, it was not necessary to get all dolled up.
Everyday the boys told us how beautiful we are and gave us hugs even though we were so gross and if in USA, we would not be accepted because we weren't "in style". The Boys never once thought twice about us looking raggedy and sweaty, they loved us unconditionally.
On the night of our fiesta, we went back to our hotel to change and to get fresh that way we would look nice for the fiesta, it was a very big deal to do this for the boys because we were with them everyday looking pretty gross. When we arrived back at Casa Del Nino, the boys ran up to us in fresh nice clothes, their hair all gelled up, and the best smiles you can imagine being so proud that they looked nice for us. These nice outfits were some of their most special possessions and they were so thankful for them and did not think anything of the fact they only had ONE nice outfit.
As I was giving hugs and kisses to them all, Israel gave me a huge hug and then took a step back and just stared at me. He had the strangest look on his face and then just smiled and said "Tu muy Bonita." It brought tears to my eyes when my little buddy said this because he had nothing compared to me yet he did find beauty in everything.

Of course, I related this to my walk with God. He is always with me no matter what I am going through. He is with me in the trees, flowers, rivers, even people; yet, sometimes I don't think anything of it. I feel like there comes a time when you need to really embrace God, take a step back, study him, and tell him how beautiful he is. We need to find the beauty in all things and be thankful for what we have and what we don't have.

Psalms 127:3-5

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I tend to be pretty bad about waiting to eat until my stomache is growling. Not just little noises but it sounds like a lion. Not very cute to be honest.
When I get this way, I do not eat the right portions, instead, I devour anything I can because I want that simple satisfaction of being full. In the long run all I really have to show for it is still being hungry and a few extra pounds. However, if we eat right and exercise, we will be fit and feeling better than ever.
If I relate this to my christian walk, it makes perfect sense to me, I wait and wait until I NEED God. I don't worship him everyday; all day. When I feel the passion to know him more, I am really on fire for him and live my life full out to how he would have me but when that fades away, I go through the same "growling affect." All I have to show for that is a lost relationship and feeling emptier than I did before.
It is time that we live our life for God, every day. Of course we will slip up and make mistakes but, if we strive to reach that goal of a strong relationship, that is all God really wants from us. I am hungry to know his word. I am ready to "get in shape."

Proverbs 13:4
The appetite of the lazy craves and gets nothing, while the appetite of the diligent is richly supplied.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

bottle of water.

There are three bottles of water on my night stand. Wasteful; yes. Blog worthy; no doubt.
Looking at the three bottles, they appear to be the same, I am actually struggling to find significant differences between the three. I can see exactly how much is in them and what it is that is consuming the bottle and as I look a little closer, I now realize that they all have the same amount of water as well.
Even though the brand, liquid, and amount are all the same, one of them is a little colder; which is obviously more refreshing.  Such a small difference, that perhaps over time wouldn't matter as much, however, I am drawn to the bottle of water.
What I am getting to is that we are all kind of like bottles of water on God's night stand. He knows us inside and out and can see how full we really are. For other's it may be impossible to see just one stand out, however, we are drawn to the things that refresh us. If we stay in God's word and are filled with his glory, we will be refeshing and will stand out even in a crowd of similarities.

Jesus Christ will fill your lives with everything that God's approval produces. Your lives will then bring glory and praise to God.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


I realized today how incredibly selfish I am.
I didn't have a very good day, but I know it could have been worse. I fell into the trap of "please, pity me" and forgot to notice all of the good that did happen.
Work in general for me is tough, I am human and would rather hang out all day rather than work. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job and what I do, however, I am easily discouraged because I can think of a million fun things I would rather do. To elaborate, some harsh words were said today and I was over it, I was mad and pouting; I wanted to give up. I chose to let satan put those words in my mind; that was his exact plan.
While I was fretting about my bad day, two of my friends were also having bad days, I got in an argument with my mom, and I didn't make any room for God in my angry heart.
I decided to pray before heading home from work, to calm me down a bit and when I did it hit me; I am SO selfish. I would rather talk about myself than listen. Rather do what I want than follow. There is absolutely nothing cool about that at all.
I am hurting for my friends right now and I feel horrible because they waited all day to talk to me about what is going on because of my bad day. A stupid bad day got in the way of listening to my dear friends hurts. A bad day got in the way of my momma and I's relationship. Reality check to Courtney, life isn't as bad as one day can make it seem.
Why are so many people scared of the dark? It is because of the things that happen in the dark. Why are we so afraid to get into low points in our lives? It is because satan can get ahold of our hearts and minds during those dark times.
Flashlight at night; God is our light.

God is in control, I gotta give myself to him, It is NOT about me anymore. Help me make it about YOU!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

selfish prayer.

It came to my attention that when my family and I sit at the dinner table, we pray. However, if we are more relaxed and sit on the couch, we don't pray. Why is this? Shouldn't God be apart of our formal and informal lives; we shouldn't plan a time for God, we should talk to him throughout our day.

I would really hate it if the only time my family and friends talked to me is when they would need a haircut. It would make me feel used and eventually, I would become angry. Do you think it is the same way with God? Do we only talk to him when we need something or feel as if it is the right time and place to talk to him? Praying to God should be a privilege and we should yearn to do it, as Christians we should feel so blessed to know that we have a powerful God that CAN hear us continuously.
I am almost embarrassed to think that I have given up so much time for worldly wants rather than spending a little time with God. It is so selfish of me to pray when a situation comes up that I am uncomfortable with; yet I forget to praise God for my everyday blessings. I am so quick to point out all of the downs and beg for peace; if I trusted him a little more, I would realize that peace is actually within him. God knows our hearts and our minds; our hurts and triumphs.

Praise him first. Thank him often. Joy will come.

Romans 12:12
Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

lose the 'tude.

Bad moods are seriously overrated.
I think that a lot of times we forget how blessed we are to wake up.
To see, to feel, to smell, to love and be loved in return. Pretty sure that is a lot to be thankful for.
Over the past few weeks, I have been able to wake up with a smile. I have felt God with me saying today is good, I've got this. I believe it with my whole heart now. With this new found attitude, it has made everything so much better, my bad moods have gone from daily to very few. 
I thank God for this because without him, I'd be conformed into whatever the world says I should be.
Find the Joy within our God. Find what makes your heart happy.
Don't waste anymore of your time fretting over petty things, that is not why we were created. 
Life is too wonderful to be upset about small things. God created too much good to not notice and be happy about it. Sing a little louder, dance a little bigger, and share your life with others.
worldy things are not forever, relationships are.
embrace that.

Psalms 144:15 Happy the people to whom such blessings fall! Happy the people whose God is the Lord!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

people watcher.

I tend to enjoy watching other people, if I know them or not, it intrigues me to see the way people interact with others. I started going to a new church a few months ago and because of this church my life has significantly changed. I no longer consider a church just a building; a church is definetly the people and the hearts of the people that love the Lord. Each Sunday, I have been able to watch believers lives and attitudes towards others and I have seen more love and compassion in this building than I have seen in so long. How refreshing.
There is one woman in particular that I enjoy seeing each week. The way she interacts with others definetly reflects her walk with God, she is caring with every word and genuinly loves other people and more importantly, loves the Lord. We do not really know each other very well, just a few hellos and always exchanging smiles but, she has made a huge impact on my life. Thankyou for being real.

I think that God is a "people watcher" that sees the way we interact with others, kindly or not, he sees. I hope that when he is watching me, I am pleasing to his eyes.
 Kind with my words. Compassionate with my eyes.
Pure with my thoughts.

"For He looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens" (Job 28:24).

Friday, April 16, 2010

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Pretty sure I am the nut of the family.
They love me anyhow.
I have been blessed to have a wonderful family that loves and supports me through every challenge and victory I go through in life. Without my family, I would be lost because they have given me a Godly foundation in my life.
I've been gone a lot lately and I realize it has taken a toll on communication between my parents and I. A quick "hello, goodbye, I love you" just doesn't really cut it. I take for grant it so often that my parents will always love me and accept me and be there when I need them.
Thankyou momma and daddy for always loving me.

Same thing goes for God. Even if we don't spend hours with him, he is always going to love us. However, imagine how great it would be to have a relationship with him that is as strong as a best friend. We should want to spend time with God. He sure does want to spend time with us.

Revelation 4:11 "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created."

Thursday, April 15, 2010

sticks and stones.

"Sticks and stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me"
I don't agree with that saying at all and like most things, we use it as a cover up so people cannot pinpoint our weaknesses. Words are such a powerful weapon and we have the choice on how we will affect our peers with our words. Such simple things you say can affect a persons whole outlook of themselves and even the world around them. Words can hinder a relationship with God, family, and friends. However, Words can also lift up, praise and be used to rejoice with each other. We have the choice.

We are so quick to point out flaws and punish mistakes that we overlook the wonderful things going on around us. We have forgotten how to speak with love and compassion, the way the God intends us to speak to one another. Is it really easier to point out a flaw than to say "good job" or "I'm proud of you."? I sure hope that our hearts can start to change so we can see others in a more positive way; thank goodness that God does not point out all of our mistakes. He sees everything we go through yet he still lifts us up and praises us for all the good in our life.

Choose to speak kindly. Choose to speak Godly.
One kind word can make a harmful word dissapear.

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (Proverbs 12:25)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

prayer on paper.

A dear friend of mine and I were talking about writing letters to God, not to really show anyone or to send to anyone, just to sit and write down your praises, worries, and discomfort and "send it" to God. Obviously I write a lot, but I have never put it the way he did, just praying on paper. It is as simple as it sounds and has been very refreshing for me. There is no feeling like you need to impress anyone by praying aloud and using big words to one up the person that prayed before. It is simply to spend a little time with the one who should be our best friend; God.

Thank you friend for being so open and honest throughout our friendship. I admire how strong you are and pray for you daily. You remind me to love the little things in life. Never stop writing. Never stop loving with all your heart. Never stop being you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Monday, April 12, 2010

"Hi, how are you?"

Working in a salon, I hear that simple phrase over and over again. It is pretty basic and is usually answered with "I'm fine, you?". Our small talk is very generic and I can usually guess what kind of conversation I will have while doing a person's hair before they even sit in my chair.

It makes me a little bit sad that most of the "Salon Talk" I have with my guests has no meaning at all. Usually it is about crazy Arkansas weather or American Idol, every now and then I hear a sad break up story.I sit here and think about my responses, usually I am to the point with simple answers and brief small talk.

I feel like I should make each visit to the salon a time of comfort and peace for my guests. Not a place to gossip or feel as if you have to chat about something; just a place to get away from life struggles.

God has given us brains to think, ears to listen, and mouths to speak. We need to use them wisely and kindly. If you ask how somebody is,  truely be interested in how they are doing and answer honestly when asked. I think it is time we start caring about each other and that starts by caring about God first.

It is time to bring life back into conversations. It is time to bring God back.

You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

5 minutes about me. Read it. Don’t read it. No big deal.

I grew up in a strong Christian family. I cannot ask for a better family , they get me.

I cannot think of enough ways to thank them for having me grow up in church because without that foundation, my life would be a wreck. God should always be number one.

We moved when I was a sophomore in high school from the town I loved more than anything, away from friends I considered family and from a school I thought I would graduate from. That seriously broke my heart. I would like to say that I made the best of friends and loved it in the new town we moved to, however, I wished to be somewhere else every day. When we moved away from Lamar, I blamed God and was very mad at him. I felt as if he ruined my life by taking me away from the place I knew for so long and put me in the unknown and challenged me each day with new struggles. I lost the ability to trust others and worst of all, I lost my joy. I got so discouraged and truly did not want to live anymore and I let saten have control of my thoughts. I wish I could say that this was so long ago, however, it was only a couple of years ago and the wounds are still healing from the pain I went through the last few years of high school. I started to depend on other people, boyfriends and “bffs”, to get me through the days and to fill my needs, my worldly needs. For so long I fell in and out of love with God. I am tired to that life.

If you read all of that very closely, you will see one word that repeatedly shows up; “I”. That is all my life was about, just me. I didn’t care about anything or anyone else because I thought I was the only one who was ever treated badly in high school and went through some hard times. If God would have been number one in my life, “I” would slowly start to go away and his presence would have been the only thing I needed. My heart would have hurt more for others rather than myself and my worldly wants would not have amounted to such great measures.

My life is changing right now, suddenly I am seeing the beauty in everything and trying to look at the world from a Godly heart. I hope others see this change in me because it is happening quickly and I have the joy God gave me so long ago. God has made me whole again. I can trust again. Hold me accountable to make my life more about you and less about me.




That’s what life should be about. Joy.

Friday, April 9, 2010


A daily habit of mine is getting to the end of the day and realizing that my phone and laptop are completely dead. There is nothing left to them and I ALWAYS realize this when I actually need to use them. Of course, I scramble around the house trying to figure out where I left my charger, I usually don't find it.
It never makes sense to me why I do this day after day. I know that my phone is going to die but I just don't charge it until it is too late and there is nothing left to it; not even a light.

As christians, we must stay "plugged in" all the time or we will slowly start to lose our light as well. We go through life only needing God when the bad times come along or when we know we need a little extra help.
By recharging our relationship daily with God we have the potential to do great things and never lose the light we have been given. 

Think about it. process it. and change.

John 12:46
"I [Jesus] have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Coke Zero.

This is unlike any sort of Coke, it is diet, calorie free so there are no guilty feelings and it also has the taste of a real Coke; What more could you want!?

I look at my life and I know that I have been a "Coke Zero" on many occasions, trying to be something I am not and able to decieve others to think I am the real deal. How sad it makes me to think that I had the ability to pretend to love God when my heart was in the wrong place, I was not what God was wanting me to be. Is it really that easy to live a guilt-free life when there is nothing but guilt coming at the end?
God wants us to give him our everything or nothing at all.

I am pretty sure that if Jesus went to Sonic, he would ask for a regular Coke.
Be real.

Revelation 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I find it very freeing to know that I have the ability to delete friends, pictures, and comments on facebook. I can pick and choose what I want my life to be perceived as online and I can make changes to anything that is not to my liking. If I take an ugly picture, I can delete it and not a single soul has to see it or if I say something silly, I can take it off and pretend it never happened.

I know that in my life I have said some unkind words and done things that I wish I could take back, however, this is not facebook; there is no refresh button.
As I think about this, it scares me a little, to know that every word I say, is said, I can never take it back and a single word can hurt more than a thousand.
Our thoughts become words and words become actions so, if we change our thoughts to more Godly thoughts, our whole world will be changed.
That is such an amazing reassurance, to know that as christians, God can "delete" our mistakes and give us the second chance. We have the opportunity to start over, no matter what challenges we have faced, our God is so much bigger.

Look at your life and see if there is anything you need God to delete for you, it is an amazing feeling to know that your past can be wiped away no matter how big or small the situations are.
take a little time to think about how powerful that is.

"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more" (Isaiah 43:25).

"It is possible for the Lord to look at us without seeing our sins because when he forgave us, he removed our sins as far as the east is from the west" (Psalm 103:12).

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Say it.
Just ask yourself, "Am I happy?"
I don't mean having a simple smile on your face to please others but the true happiness that everyone longs for. I mean being genuinly estatic about life. Not worrying about small worldy struggles but simply embracing this wonderful thing we have been given. Life. Why waste it with ruining a day by being mad or upset. I know that I have wasted so many days being sad, however I am now a God seeking woman because I want what everyone wants; Joy.

I honestly believe that as christians, we are the only ones that can recieve pure joy in our lives. What a wonderful peace that should give us, to know that we will be living in heaven someday! Why is it though that we waste our earthly lives on such strange worries that are not Godly at all. He is in controll. I also think that being a happy person is somthing that you have to work at; everyday. Wake up and say "Thank you God for giving me lips to smile with." A smile can change a wounded soul with just a quick glance; that's our God for ya. When we start to turn our hearts from the worldy things and focus on God, we will be rewarded with so much more than we deserve. Find that joy within you. Find God. He's got what we need.

-He must become greater; I must become less.-

Sunday, March 28, 2010

worthless or worthy?

It amazes me how many people do not believe in God, they think we are just here on this earth by chance. I get it because that is definetly an easy way to live, no worries or concequences; just living the life. I suppose going day by day believing in nothing is easy because you can never let anyone down and it would be okay to make mistakes because it wouldn't matter what happens after your life is over on earth.

However, I have chosen a life out of normality, I want to believe that my life was thought of before I was here and that every part of me, good and bad, is not by chance but in fact a very important aspect of God's creations. I choose to trust that the fact trees create oxygen and flowers can pull water up from the ground is not just a "cool" thing but it is in fact a beautiful part of what God has given us. Being a christian today is not easy especially when it is the "in" thing to believe that there is no God.; that makes me feel very insignificant and worthless to think I am here by chance.
We are important though and worthy to be thought of, every strand of hair and every thought in our mind was known long before we were here. I choose to trust that I am NOT a mere incident. I choose to trust that there IS a wonderful, loving God. I choose to stand up and give praise in all that I do because this life is precious; so very precious.

Thank you Jesus for loving me when I am so unlovely.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I feel as if my relationships revolve around texting conversations. If it is telling my mom what I am doing or having an important conversation with a friend; it seems easier to do it with a simple text.

I think about most of my friendships often; [the ones that failed in a week and the friendships that I will cherish forever] I realize that these friendships would mean so much more if I just took time to call them up to see how they are or invited them to lunch to chat. Having a real coversation with a person can mean more, even if it is just one time, than any text will. Real talk, face to face.

I also think about my relationship with God and I realize that for so many years I was "texting" him. Just having a short conversation while I was busy doing something else. I never gave him my full attention, which is what he asks from us. God always hears us, every little prayer we think and I believe he does answer them. However, I struggle with giving him only a piece of my life and talk to him when I need help. My challenge to myself is to not just pray to God but to talk to him, tell him about my day [the good and bad] and I know that my relationship will grow stronger just because intimate conversation is needed in any relationship.

{1 Kings 9:3}

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Bring back the son, please!

Why is it that on the first day of spring we get more snow than we did in winter. We are yearning for some sort of sunlight and warmth in our life and we beg our God to give us the flowers and beautiful trees but instead we get a foot of snow. He definetly has a sense of humor. 

As I sit and think about the weather changes, it reminds me of my own life. I struggle with the thoughts the devil puts in my life; feeling so cold and alone and I realize, God is wanting me to cry out for the "Son". I complain all the time about the temperature or the rain but do I realize that my life is flooding with negative thoughts. To get sunshine you have to embrace the cold, gross times in your life to truly be thankful for all of the good, warm blessing our powerful God gives us.

I went to a bonfire this past week and looking around at this group of young adults singing to God and worshiping together just melted my cold heart, I feel so much love and acceptance with my new group of friends. They don't know a whole lot about me, but i will never be able to thank them enough for the feeling they have given me. I have searched for the "Son" and I believe that I have finally found him and have relationships to hold me accountable to get though the rocky, rainy parts of my messy life.

"If you change the way you think about things; The things you think about will change."